Coping with sleep deprivation

As a parent, you won't need telling that you could do with some more sleep. You may be so tired that you can barely remember your own name, let alone where you’ve put your car keys.

Though a good night’s sleep is the obvious remedy, this can seem impossible when you've got a baby to look after. No surprise then that one study found new parents’ sleep quality sharply declined after the birth. It reached its worst point during the first three months (fourth trimester). The good news though, is that it does get better, with most parents reporting that sleep improved after this (Richter et al 2019).

So however tough it seems at times, it doesn’t last forever and there are things you can do to help.

What are the effects of sleep deprivation?

It only takes a few nights of broken sleep to feel sleep deprived. But when you have a baby, broken sleep is unfortunately just normal life for most. In the early weeks it’s normal for your baby to wake up every two to three hours (BASIS nd), so don’t worry - you’re not alone in this.

If you’re sleep deprived, you’ll have slower response times and find it more difficult to concentrate and make decisions. You may find yourself giving up on tasks before they're complete. Or you may struggle on, even though you know that whatever you're doing won’t be to your usual standard. It’s really common to start feeling down: everything seems harder when you’re short of sleep (NHS 2018a).

Apart from extreme tiredness, signs of sleep deprivation include:

• feeling grumpy, stressed or more emotional
• clumsiness or disorientation
• having problems communicating
• finding it hard to concentrate
• being less or more hungry than usual (Beattie et al 2014)

How can I feel less tired in the early days and weeks with my baby?

• Even though exercise may be the last thing you feel like doing, it will get your blood flowing and energise your body, which will make you feel less tired (NHS 2018c).
• Try to get outside for a walk with your baby every day. Just a 15-minute walk round the park can give you an energy boost (NHS 2018b), and spending time in nature can help to improve your mood (Mind 2018).
• Prioritise tasks so you get the most important ones done first. Write a list of things that need doing every day, but be realistic. Even if it's just one thing, such as vacuuming, it will give you something to focus on and help you to prioritise. But if you don't achieve that one thing, don't be hard on yourself. Sometimes just functioning is enough of an achievement.
• Make life easier for yourself. Shop online for food. Ask for help from friends or family, and accept help when they offer. Don’t try to be super-mum.
• If you have a partner, take turns to have a lie-in. If you don’t have a partner or you’re both having a particularly bad time, consider asking a friend or relative to come over and stay for a few days so you can get some more sleep (NHS 2018c). If your baby is older, you could ask a trusted friend or relative to have her for the night.
• Go easy on yourself. It’s tempting to rush around and catch up on chores when your baby is asleep, but sometimes resting is more important. You don’t have to sleep for it to be beneficial, but put your feet up, close your eyes and take some deep breaths to recharge your batteries (NHS 2018c).
• Aim to eat a healthy diet. Eating regular small meals and healthy snacks every three to four hours through the day can help keep your energy up better than a couple of big meals (NHS 2018b). Snack on energy-giving foods such as a handful of nuts, a banana, or wholemeal toast and peanut butter. High-sugar, high-fat options may provide a quick boost, but the crash that follows can leave you feeling even more tired.
• Keep drinking water throughout the day, too, as dehydration can sap your energy levels (NHS 2018b).

How can I cope with sleep deprivation when I'm back at work?

If you've just gone back to work after maternity leave, you could try to have a lunchtime nap somewhere quiet. Set your phone alarm, though, so you don't nap for too long and enter a deep sleep. A short sleep of 20 minutes or so can recharge your batteries.

If you work in an office and you're feeling drowsy at your desk, open a window. Alternatively, take a five-minute break and run up and down the stairs a few times to wake yourself up.

Organise your diary and set up automated reminders. It can help to plan your day, so the toughest tasks are tackled in the morning when you’ll be at your most productive.

If you work part-time, ask to change your hours or your shift pattern so that you’re at work when your energy levels are at their highest. Try not to work with heavy machinery or potentially dangerous equipment if you’re not at your most alert, as you could be endangering yourself or others if you make a mistake.

In general, try to stick to a regular bedtime if you can, as this will help to regulate your body clock. When you're struggling though, it may help to go to bed really early for a few days in a row if you can (NHS 2018c).

How can I get going in the morning?

Try not to hit the snooze button, even if it’s been a rough night. Sit up when your alarm goes off so you can gather your thoughts before you get up. That way, you’ll feel calmer and more in control than if you left getting up until the absolute last minute. Turn on the radio and don’t let yourself slide back under the duvet if it means you'll be late for work or for an appointment.

Keep a glass of water next to the bed and have a few sips to help you to wake up. If your partner is there to look after your baby, or your little one is safe in her cot, get into the shower and choose an invigorating shower gel. Rubbing on body lotion afterwards will help to get your circulation going.

It’s tempting to rely on caffeine for an immediate boost, and if you love your morning coffee, go for it. Just remember to pace yourself. Too much caffeine throughout the day, especially after lunchtime, can keep you awake at night (Drake et al 2013).

If you’re breastfeeding and avoiding caffeine, or just want to cut down, a glass of sparkling water or a caffeine-free herbal tea may perk you up.

What happens if I feel drowsy while driving?

If you feel drowsy while you're driving, open the window immediately and get a blast of fresh air. If you’re on your own, pull over in a safe place, lock the doors and have a short nap of about 15 minutes. If you have your baby or toddler with you and she won’t nap alongside you, take her out of the car and have a short walk together in the fresh air. Driving while you're sleepy reduces your reaction time, makes you less vigilant, and affects your ability to make decisions (ROSPA 2019).

You could step out of the car and stretch, or have a cold drink or a coffee to give you a boost. But remember that these are temporary measures. If you feel very tired before you set off, consider leaving the journey until you've had some rest and are more alert.

How can I be less grumpy with everyone?

Sometimes it might feel as if you spend your life apologising for being irritable. It'll help your partner to understand if you explain how tired you feel. Try to steer clear of emotionally draining situations when you're already feeling below par.

If you and your partner have a disagreement, take a couple of deep breaths and think before you speak. Remind yourself not to let petty irritations turn into huge rows. As annoying as that damp towel on the bedroom floor is, it's probably not worth having a row about it.

Why am I struggling even with simple things?

When even basic tasks are a struggle to complete, try hard to concentrate and take extra care. Maybe you've knocked over the milk and splashed yourself with boiling water while making a cup of tea. Or perhaps you've dropped yet another plate while trying to prepare your lunch.

Try to slow down. Even the smallest task needs your concentration when you’re sleep deprived. Focus on what you're doing.

Accept that some things won’t get done. Clothes in the laundry basket don’t all have to be ironed. You don’t have to vacuum as often as you used to.

How can I get back to sleep after feeding my baby?

A glass of warm milk may soothe you back to sleep. Dairy products contain an amino acid called tryptophan, which can help your brain to produce sleep-inducing chemicals. A few drops of lavender oil on your pillow may also help to relax you.

Try not to turn things over in your head and become stressed. If you’re really struggling to nod off, practise the relaxing exercises that you may have learned during your antenatal classes or pregnancy yoga. Or listen to our free relaxation audio.

Even though this exhausting time feels as though it will never end, it’s only temporary. As your baby grows, she'll be able to sleep for more hours at a stretch and may even sleep through the night, which means you will, too.

More tips and advice:

• Find out how much sleep your baby really needs.
• Check out these top ways to get more "me time".
• In pictures: 11 ways to get more sleep.